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Ladies: Would you really want your guy smelling like a cheeseburger?

December 18, 2008, 11:11 PM

You know, I thought it was enough getting used to the scent of the Brut. But then one of my coworkers forwarded me an Email about Burger King’s releasing a meat-scented cologne for men. Seriously. Take a look.

I don’t know about you, but that’s not the kind of scent I would want to be spraying on myself. Honestly, the smell of meat is not the kind of scent I would want to wear to impress someone. Personally, if I encountered someone smelling like meat, I’d start to wonder. “So are you carrying a few hamburgers in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” Besides, hamburgers, and especially fast food hamburgers, are kind of gross. For that matter, Burger King food is just disgusting in general, and along with McDonald’s, I try to avoid it.

Personally, I’ve never really seen the point of cologne in general. It makes you smell like something, but you usually have to really use your imagination to decide just what the stuff smells like. However, even the cheap stuff costs too much money, and too often, cologne is done badly by the person wearing it. I remember two specific examples of colognes done badly. One was my sophomore year in college. My RA in Potomac Hall wore way too much cologne. You could smell him coming way before you saw him. His fumes preceded him. Likewise, when I worked at Wal-Mart, there was this one guy who wore too much cologne who worked the cigarette line regularly. His fumes preceded him, too. He smelled awful because he wore far too much cologne.

Of course, the person at Wal-Mart who wore too much cologne also seemed to not quite understand that certain things are discussed in private for a reason. I remember that in 2005, this person had been out for a week or so due to a medical problem. His first day back on the job, rather than say to me, “Hi, Ben, how are you?” or something like that, he just out and said, “Hey, did I tell you about my hemorrhoids?” Needless to say, I was surprised. I had recently come back from a surgery myself, and ahead of it, I only told one person at work any details about the surgery, and that was Katie, and she also kept the details to herself. And nature abhors a vacuum, and so when I wasn’t forthcoming about details about my absence for an unnamed surgery, the Wal-Mart people conjured up a story that I was getting a sex-change operation. Oh, dear. Some people were genuinely surprised to see me return looking exactly the same as I did when I returned.

Oy…

But if I had actually come back as a woman, then Burger King wouldn’t be marketing a meat-scented cologne to my demographic (you were wondering how I was going to bring it back around, weren’t you?). Still, what kind of woman would want their boyfriend, fiance, or husband smelling like meat? It makes the mind wonder. Of course, why people pay large amounts of money for a few ounces of scented water in the first place is beyond me…

Web site: The World of Smell

Song: Meanwhile, tomorrow is anti-consumerist holiday caroling! 7 PM outside The Shops at Georgetown Park on M Street. See you there?

Quote: Cologne, hemorrhoids, and sex-change operations... I think I've outdone myself!

Categories: Products, Walmart