Quote Archives

From October 1998 to March 2005, the main page of The Schumin Web featured an article of varying length, often accompanied by a photo.  A survey question was added in April 2001.  The photo at right illustrates the site's 2003 design, which contained this main page configuration.  Unfortunately, the first year's worth of quote articles were lost, as archiving did not begin until November 1999.  Two were recovered from Internet Archive, and these are listed as "Legacy Quotes".

In this section, the various quote articles that have run on the main page are spread out for your viewing pleasure.  Some of these quotes are favorites of mine.  Some I thought were mediocre, but others loved them. Quote articles are listed in date order, and linked to the full article.  Gaps in dates occasionally appear due to periods when quotes made repeat appearances on the main page.

• "And today, I'm running on only three hours of sleep, no thanks to the alarm system!" (1999-10-12 00:00:00)
• "I'll take some desert without any sand..." (1999-11-07 00:00:00)
• "It's not Starbucks, but still..." (1999-11-28 00:00:00)
• "It's only appropriate that the name's not the same..." (1999-12-03 00:00:00)
• "Just hand it over, nice and slow..." (1999-12-06 00:00:00)
• "It's dark under here!" (1999-12-12 00:00:00)
• "And for every Y2K doomsayer I see, I'm just going to point and laugh." (1999-12-16 00:00:00)
• "See? I told you so!" (2000-01-01 00:00:00)
• "If the bookstore squeezed me a little harder, I'd be totally dry..." (2000-01-09 00:00:00)
• "Life is sweet and spicy (with milk)." (2000-01-20 00:00:00)
• "If elected, I will raise your taxes!" (2000-01-27 00:00:00)
• "What is a killfile?" (2000-01-29 00:00:00)
• "Do I really need three square meals a day?" (2000-02-03 00:00:00)
• "Please place your seat backs in the upright position." (2000-02-06 00:00:00)
• "I'm afraid that your evil plot has failed, elevator man!" (2000-02-10 00:00:00)
• "Out of order? . . . Even in the future, nothing works!" (2000-02-26 00:00:00)
• "Memories, memories, memories..." (2000-02-27 00:00:00)
• "SPRING BREAK!!!" (2000-03-03 00:00:00)
• "Doesn't anybody call it 'the head' anymore?" (2000-03-12 00:00:00)
• "DUCK SEASON!" "WABBIT SEASON!" (2000-03-16 00:00:00)
• "And this is the living room, recently renovated." (2000-03-18 00:00:00)
• "Four years ago, I nervously took my first steps..." (2000-03-20 00:00:00)
• "Spring is here!" (2000-03-27 00:00:00)
• "Come to Hall Council... or Schumin gets it!" (2000-03-31 00:00:00)
• "If The Schumin Web were an ocean liner, how many stacks would it have?" (2000-04-04 00:00:00)
• "Ah, springtime! That time of year when I want nothing more than to shut the windows, shut the door, and turn on the air-conditioning..." (2000-04-07 00:00:00)
• "If you turn me on my side and paint my nose yellow, I'd make a perfect traffic light!" (2000-04-12 00:00:00)
• (2000-04-16 00:00:00)
• "And now I enter into the 21^st Century..." (2000-04-24 00:00:00)
• "We all need to get together and force AOL to change!" (2000-04-26 00:00:00)
• "There's something new in the future..." (2000-04-30 00:00:00)
• "Iceberg right ahead!" (2000-05-13 00:00:00)
• "You said 'Rahoul's Diner'?" (2000-05-18 00:00:00)
• "I would like to announce the mission of the Web site..." (2000-05-22 00:00:00)
• "Napster: Whose side are you on?" (2000-05-31 00:00:00)
• "I don't think you've met Greta before..." (2000-06-10 00:00:00)
• "I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow... two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow." (2000-06-21 00:00:00)
• "All those dirty patients!" (2000-06-29 00:00:00)
• "11880 - Da Werden Sie Geholfen." (2000-07-07 00:00:00)
• "Let us mourn the passing of the old signs..." (2000-07-23 00:00:00)
• "FREEZE! DON’T MOVE A MUSCLE OR SAY A WORD!" (2000-07-26 00:00:00)
• "McGraw-Long... it will never be the same again." (2000-08-02 00:00:00)
• "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" (2000-08-10 00:00:00)
• "Am I trying to kill myself or something?" (2000-08-20 00:00:00)
• "Congrats to Richard, the sole Survivor!" (2000-08-24 00:00:00)
• "FOR ASSISTANCE PUSH 3 INCH HELP BUTTON" (2000-08-30 00:00:00)
• "AOL Instant Messenger: Why won't you stay connected?" (2000-09-03 00:00:00)
• "If it's audible, then it's not silence." (2000-09-11 00:00:00)
• "The Web Cam: the site of some of The Schumin Web's craziest activities at times..." (2000-09-16 00:00:00)
• "It's a new day, a new Schumin Web." (2000-09-23 00:00:00)
• "Is blue the color of good fortune?" (2000-09-30 00:00:00)
• "Zane is back! Zane is back!" (2000-10-11 00:00:00)
• "They must keep an entire warehouse full of signs preprinted with 'Eagle Hall' on them..." (2000-10-15 00:00:00)
• "And we have now lost another one of this world's few remaining classic liners..." (2000-10-22 00:00:00)
• "There's no candy in hell! That's why it's hell!" (2000-10-28 00:00:00)
• "I encourage everyone to go out and choose!" (2000-11-02 00:00:00)
• "Ben: The anti-ape drugs don't work." (2000-11-12 00:00:00)
• (2000-11-19 00:00:00)
• "Oh, that's a good word! A nice round word!" (2000-11-26 00:00:00)
• "Where does your tuition money go? I'll tell you where your tuition money goes!" (2000-12-03 00:00:00)
• "Without ever leaving, I've been everywhere..." (2000-12-09 00:00:00)
• "Snow is falling all around... a soft white carpet hides the ground..." (2000-12-14 00:00:00)
• "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" (2000-12-14 00:00:00)
• "The fabled year 2000 - a thing of the past?" (2000-12-14 00:00:00)
• "Is it true that people with glasses are more worldly than people without?" (2001-01-07 00:00:00)
• "And where do you test out glow-in-the-dark wheels? In the dark, of course!" (2001-01-14 00:00:00)
• "They have to do WHAT to get this elevator running again?" (2001-01-21 00:00:00)
• "After an entire semester's worth of waiting, I have finally caught the object of my desires!" (2001-01-27 00:00:00)
• "It's February. It's cold. The days are short. Where would you like to be?" (2001-02-04 00:00:00)
• "THIS is what The Schumin Web once looked like?" (2001-02-12 00:00:00)
• "It's like he's staring into my soul..." (2001-02-19 00:00:00)
• "Not all caffeine is created equal!" (2001-02-25 00:00:00)
• "I tried to but every time I put in a dime and dial a condom popped out. Here, want one?" (2001-03-11 00:00:00)
• "Half a decade!" (2001-03-18 00:00:00)
• "Come on down to the chuckwagon and get yourself some grub!" (2001-03-25 00:00:00)
• "When you think of JMU, is a three-eyed antlered pig what you think of?" (2001-04-01 00:00:00)
• "Spring is officially upon us!" (2001-04-08 00:00:00)
• "I am freezing my butt off just because I can!" (2001-04-15 00:00:00)
• "Now it's time to say goodbye to all of Potomac..." (2001-04-30 00:00:00)
• "Boy, oh boy, am I glad to be home!" (2001-05-13 00:00:00)
• "You'd better be careful or you know what happens!" (2001-06-03 00:00:00)
• "It's becoming a Gateway by name only!" (2001-06-11 00:00:00)
• "After months in the thinking, and two weeks in the making, here it is!" (2001-06-17 00:00:00)
• "Wish? Did somebody say wish?" (2001-06-24 00:00:00)
• "On the Fourth of July, we blow up many things - just don't blow yourself up!" (2001-07-02 00:00:00)
• "I know what your problem is! The Lincoln Memorial was too crowded!" (2001-07-08 00:00:00)
• "It all comes out of the same ground, so what's the difference?" (2001-07-16 00:00:00)
• "It's kind of like it hit puberty..." (2001-07-23 00:00:00)
• "Rogers... how I miss you sometimes..." (2001-08-06 00:00:00)
• "It's back to Potomac Hall, both feet first!" (2001-08-11 00:00:00)
• "Welcome aboard!" (2001-08-19 00:00:00)
• "In A.D. 2101, war was beginning." (2001-08-24 00:00:00)
• "Hello? I told you never to call me here!" (2001-09-01 00:00:00)
• "...and say hello to Fresh Food Company!" (2001-09-09 00:00:00)
• "What words cannot express..." (2001-09-16 00:00:00)
• "What other campus besides JMU would have this?" (2001-09-24 00:00:00)
• "Hang your worries, trash your... 'sraef'?" (2001-10-02 00:00:00)
• "Perhaps you're having too much fun in the bedroom of the WRONG kind!" (2001-10-13 00:00:00)
• "It's about as dead in here as a possum on a freeway." (2001-10-21 00:00:00)
• "Dress like a fairy, a ghost, or a witch, with a hook... an evil pirate!" (2001-10-28 00:00:00)
• "Disenfranchised by the state!" (2001-11-06 00:00:00)
• "And now, let's salute America, everyone!" (2001-11-12 00:00:00)
• "What exit?" (2001-11-17 00:00:00)
• "Now I've seen it all..." (2001-11-25 00:00:00)
• "It's moving day, it's moving day, hey, baby, hey!" (2001-12-03 00:00:00)
• "Snow? Flurries? Sleet? Freezing rain? Anything?" (2001-12-11 00:00:00)
• "You don't have to go home, but you gotta get up outta here!" (2001-12-14 00:00:00)
• "We're sorry, you do not trust the Wal-Mart inventory control system. Please step back, and an associate will slap you around until you do." (2001-12-17 00:00:00)
• "To Ben, from Santa… I wonder what it is?" (2001-12-21 00:00:00)
• "How do you get traffic? Good question…" (2001-12-26 00:00:00)
• "2002 already…" (2002-01-01 00:00:00)
• "It's snowing, it's snowing, it's snowing, it's snowing..." (2002-01-06 00:00:00)
• "Give a JMU student a paintbrush, and watch magic appear..." (2002-01-13 00:00:00)
• "Hi, two-leggers, how would you like to enjoy a dog's life?" (2002-01-22 00:00:00)
• "8 out of 10 Dukes don't smoke... interesting..." (2002-01-27 00:00:00)
• "Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!" (2002-02-10 00:00:00)
• "Seems that people do some very strange things..." (2002-02-17 00:00:00)
• "What better to wake up to..." (2002-02-24 00:00:00)
• "It's once again that magical week..." (2002-03-01 00:00:00)
• "No job is completely glory..." (2002-03-10 00:00:00)
• "So if you were five yesterday and six today, does that mean you'll be seven tomorrow?" (2002-03-17 00:00:00)
• "You may complain, but how many times has that little blue-and-white bus saved your butt?" (2002-03-24 00:00:00)
• "And I'm not exactly Halle Berry…"
  "I'm Barry Bostwick!"
  "Who's Barry Bostwick?" (2002-03-31 00:00:00)
• "So exactly how far can your Mavica grab an image?" (2002-04-07 00:00:00)
• "Well, if they ever closed this place down, they could always turn it into a meat locker." (2002-04-14 00:00:00)
• "Whenever you need a lift, it's like a gift that never goes away... remember the good times, and yesterday's good times... they'll bring you a brand new smile today!" (2002-04-28 00:00:00)
• "Who's one spin short of a winner?" (2002-05-08 00:00:00)
• "Nature to Schumin: This is how you're supposed to feel during allergy season!" (2002-05-12 00:00:00)
• "And if nothing else, remember that the biggest, ugliest vehicle ALWAYS has the right of way!" (2002-05-20 00:00:00)
• "Am I ready for the last big birthday of my youth?" (2002-05-27 00:00:00)
• "Go to sleep, say good night..." (2002-06-03 00:00:00)
• "The nice thing about having a friend living on campus during May Session..." (2002-06-10 00:00:00)
• "You ever wonder what it would really be like to have drops of Jupiter in your hair?" (2002-06-17 00:00:00)
• "Don't forget to dot the 'I'!" (2002-06-24 00:00:00)
• "The mid-summer blahs have officially arrived…" (2002-07-07 00:00:00)
• "Elementary school PE class... wasn't that just the best?" (2002-07-15 00:00:00)
• "Three more weeks, and I can't wait..." (2002-07-22 00:00:00)
• "Now that deserves an Arbor Mist!" (2002-07-27 00:00:00)
• "If only I could afford it…" (2002-08-04 00:00:00)
• "Um, sir... no one force-fed you that fast food..." (2002-08-11 00:00:00)
• "Oh, the changes you'll see!" (2002-08-20 00:00:00)
• "I'm now one of those old fossils on the campus now…" (2002-08-27 00:00:00)
• "September 11, a year later. What have we learned?" (2002-09-09 00:00:00)
• "Just look around and you can tell you're wrong..." (2002-09-15 00:00:00)
• "Unit on and functioning! Do not hit. I am delicate." (2002-09-23 00:00:00)
• "It's amazing what you can do with what you've got…" (2002-10-07 00:00:00)
• "MASTODON! PTERODACTYL! TRICERATOPS! SABER-TOOTHED TIGER! TYRANNOSAURUS!" (2002-10-14 00:00:00)
• "It's starting to smell like winter again…" (2002-10-21 00:00:00)
• "Somehow, I think it's that time of year again..." (2002-10-26 00:00:00)
• "On November 5, 2002, vote YES for higher education!" (2002-10-31 00:00:00)
• "Aren't you supposed to RELAX when you relax?" (2002-11-10 00:00:00)
• "Since when was 7-Up green?" (2002-11-17 00:00:00)
• "Nice days make great fire drill weather, don't you think?" (2002-11-24 00:00:00)
• "I like it the old fashioned way, before political correctness made 'Christmas' into a dirty word." (2002-12-08 00:00:00)
• "Looking back, I'm surprised I fell for this..." (2002-12-17 00:00:00)
• "Tripod! And I don't mean the free hosting provider!" (2002-12-22 00:00:00)
• "Amazing what a snowfall can do…" (2003-01-05 00:00:00)
• "And to think I thought it was a kind of tool…" (2003-01-21 00:00:00)
• "There's more than meets the eye, don't you know!" (2003-01-29 00:00:00)
• "I don't know if you've noticed, but it seems that James Madison University has no real traditions." (2003-02-03 00:00:00)
• "We're snowed in! AAAAAAAA!!!" (2003-02-17 00:00:00)
• "The idea here is to learn from the mistakes we made in dreamland..." (2003-03-01 00:00:00)
• "Around and around the Commonwealth we go, and where we end up, nobody knows!" (2003-03-07 00:00:00)
• "A week of photographs, and I think Big Mavica and I now need a vacation from each other." (2003-03-18 00:00:00)
• "Seven years later, the wheels continue to turn, and turn they will!" (2003-03-23 00:00:00)
• "Vote for me! I'll make your whites whiter and your brights brighter!" (2003-03-31 00:00:00)
• "Another Burruss Hall in the family..." (2003-04-07 00:00:00)
• "It's like a big, giant beach!" (2003-04-13 00:00:00)
• "They say that people's number one fear is public speaking, and so guess what I get to do this week!" (2003-04-27 00:00:00)
• "Timber!" (2003-05-05 00:00:00)
• "Tell them they can kiss my bumper! Just kiss it!" (2003-05-19 00:00:00)
• "Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to take a moment and do nothing." (2003-05-26 00:00:00)
• "Valet parking?" (2003-06-03 00:00:00)
• "The things we come up with when the radio is busted will astound you!" (2003-06-10 00:00:00)
• "Another one graduates high school!" (2003-06-16 00:00:00)
• "I love my Mr. Mousters!" (2003-06-23 00:00:00)
• "Be proud of your country! Wave your flag! Come back with all your extremities where they belong!" (2003-07-01 00:00:00)
• "And now we pass through the gates..." (2003-07-13 00:00:00)
• "This is but a taste of the real world..." (2003-07-22 00:00:00)
• "They say time waits for no man…" (2003-07-27 00:00:00)
• "When the water fills the clouds, then they call on lightning!" (2003-08-05 00:00:00)
• "A home furnishings hub... that might just work!" (2003-08-17 00:00:00)
• "It's time for a new car..." (2003-08-24 00:00:00)
• "It's been two years since it happened, and I think we can say that we're now much better prepared than before." (2003-09-08 00:00:00)
• "What part of 'fourth middle school' do you not understand?" (2003-09-15 00:00:00)
• "Blackboard: Another well-intentioned but remarkably poor education fad." (2003-09-21 00:00:00)
• *ring ring ring*
  "Hi, remember me? I've been standing here next to you for the last twenty minutes. Remember how we went shopping together because we enjoy each other's company?" (2003-09-28 00:00:00)
• (2003-10-12 00:00:00)
• "It really is interesting when you compare one city to another!" (2003-10-21 00:00:00)
• "Alas, this is not a leaf-looker's year…" (2003-10-27 00:00:00)
• "If you think I'm busy now..." (2003-11-11 00:00:00)
• "I am yule log! I am egg nog! I am fake snow!" (2003-11-16 00:00:00)
• "For this holiday of Thanksgiving, remember that you really do have something to be thankful for, and don't you forget it." (2003-11-23 00:00:00)
• "She'll be driving six wide horses when she comes!" (2003-12-01 00:00:00)
• "I'm always amazed when people learn how anti-ceremony I can be..." (2003-12-09 00:00:00)
• "No wonder little children scream when you put them on Santa's lap!" (2003-12-14 00:00:00)
• "And we once again send another year up the road to retirement..." (2003-12-26 00:00:00)
• "Let me tell you about yo mama and yo daddy and their trip to Target where they met a metro..." (2004-01-01 00:00:00)
• "What has propelled them back into the spotlight?" (2004-01-06 00:00:00)
• "There's nothing worse to encounter when you're more than two hours from home than winter firing a warning shot..." (2004-01-19 00:00:00)
• "That's it! No more JMU. I have graduated!" (2004-02-02 00:00:00)
• "Funny what the road scene looks like when people make mistakes..." (2004-02-29 00:00:00)
• "The road to eight years is a long path, with the occasional curve and the occasional dark spot." (2004-03-17 00:00:00)
• "There's just something about the nighttime..." (2004-03-27 00:00:00)
• "Spring has sprung!" (2004-04-06 00:00:00)
• "Hey! Who turned the heat up?" (2004-05-03 00:00:00)
• "The question we have to ask is, 'What in the heck?'" (2004-05-11 00:00:00)
• "Water... what doesn't it do?" (2004-06-09 00:00:00)
• "The Palace may soon be gone, but Tillie still lives." (2004-06-26 00:00:00)
• "With Independence Day right around the corner..." (2004-07-03 00:00:00)
• "What Waynesboro needs now is a star!" (2004-07-14 00:00:00)
• "What have you done for your country?" (2004-08-27 00:00:00)
• "This time of year, keep an eye on the skies!" (2004-10-01 00:00:00)
• "As the days grow colder and shorter..." (2004-10-26 00:00:00)
• "The mission is Christmas. We shall take no prisoners. Ready? Set? SPEND!" (2004-12-14 00:00:00)
• "Even in the future, nothing works!" (2005-01-07 00:00:00)

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